Welcome to my very first Blog post.
Probably best if I share with you what I discovered about assertiveness and what being assertive means, before sharing 5 powerful ways to be more assertive.
Seriously I thought I was one of the most assertive people I know….I was wrong. For the last 12 months I have been doing a lot of work around myself, without sounding too cliché, I have been on one heck of a journey into who I AM. So back to being assertive, anyone that knows me will tell you that I have no problems speaking in a group, I run workshops, I am definitely not the shy type, so I assumed that I was pretty assertive. I was SO far from the real truth that when I realised I wasn't being assertive I had a three day meltdown. I wasn't assertive in my behaviour, hardly at all …. I was in fact aggressive and at times when I wasn't being aggressive I was passive or disowning.
So what does being assertive actually mean?
While at times being assertive may be described as having a confident or having a forceful personality (exactly why I thought I was assertive). That being assertive means getting what you want and if you are assertive, then you are assertive in every situation. However after much research, two semesters of studying my master of counselling and some therapy I learned that being assertive actually means being able to openly communicate or express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions, without violating the rights of others. Being assertive in your life means considering both your needs and those of others. Being assertive in most areas of your life doesn't necessarily mean you are assertive in all situations.
We are all actually born with assertive behaviour, yet over time we somehow learn unassertive behaviour. When we are babies we are able to assert ourselves to get what we want or need. Unassertive behaviour, being passive or aggressive, is a result of low self-esteem and self-worth. Gradually over time we are impacted by conditioning, our environment, patterns of communication learnt, traumatic events or limiting beliefs formed. We learn to adapt and respond to our environments, sometimes learning to suppress or forego our own needs and wants to please or put others needs before our own for the benefit of others.
So here are ‘5 powerful ways to be more assertive’